How to Explain That You're "Waiting for Marriage"

     I feel like once you get the conviction in your heart and find the courage to really commit to waiting until marriage to have sex it's an easy path to walk on most days. When I was trying to make the decision to save myself a few of my main concerns were: "How am I supposed to explain this to other people?","What questions will they ask?", "How will I make it sound normal?", and "When do I bring up to a guy that I'm waiting?" All of these were situations that were much easier to handle than I thought they would be. 

     Below I have a series of questions that I have been asked and the way that I typically go about answering them. When reading some of these responses and trying to apply them to your own life remember that you have to be straight forward. There is no sugar coating or beating around the bush when you're talking about not having sex until your wedding night. I have tried my best to be creative, but the only way to get the message across clearly (and yes you want it to be 100% clear) is to just say it. Lastly, make sure to be genuine, honest, let people ask questions, and don't get offended by what they may say or think. 

Pure Tip: Don't get defensive while talking to people about saving yourself. Your choice to honor God's will and save the action of sex for marriage is nothing to be ashamed of! Being transparent and sharing your story with others will only open people's minds to have a better understanding of you and God.

Q1) What made you decide to wait?

A- While answering this question it depends on the person you're talking to and how much time you have to explain. For some people I give them the whole story which can be found in my Pure Jess Introduction. But for most I just say that after taking a time of self-reflection I realized that I have to live my life for myself unapologetically. And I can't be too afraid to do something because of societal norms. I always knew I wanted to wait and eventually I found the strength through God to begin this journey unabashed. Also after seeing the negative affects that is has had on friends and other people around me I didn't want to subject myself to the same harm. 

Q2) How are you going to actually do this?

A- To answer this I usually just give some examples of the different boundaries that I have set for myself. For example be upfront with what you aren't going to do in the relationship, never elude or tease that you will do something sexual, and in most situations keep a good distance between you a your boyfriend/bae/boo or whatever he is lol. (I say most times because obviously sometimes you're going to sit next to each other or be close, I'm just saying don't make it a constant habit to be all up under him.)

Pure Tip: Set your boundaries and don't cross them! Everything you thought of was made a boundary for a reason, you can not second guess yourself. Especially not because your boyfriend or friends start questioning you. STAND FIRM IN YOUR BELIEFS

Q3) Why do you even want to be in relationship?

A-  A relationship is supposed to be grounded in more than just sex. So just because I'm not having sex until marriage doesn't mean I can't have a healthy and fun relationship with someone. 

Q4) What reactions do you get when you tell people?

A- It's interesting that as someone is reacting to my "news" they want to know how others have responded. But none the less I tell them.... some people know I'm conservative and aren't surprised, most just give me a shocked look, some question me very bluntly and tell me this goal I have is probably not going to last once I get a boyfriend, and some just tell me that I'm right, and sex isn't worth all the drama it comes with, especially when you and the person you were having sex with break up.

Q5) So what do you consider yourself... are you abstaining from sex, celibate, a real virgin?

A- I definitely clear up that yes I've never had any type of sex. And I explain that I'm not that particular about the phrasing. Some people say the being celibate and abstinent are different. There are a few technicalities that make them different but to me they are still synonyms and I use them interchangeably. Both mean that you're choosing to refrain from an activity like having sex, doing drugs, drinking alcohol etc

Q6) At what stage in the relationship do you bring it up?

A- This was the question I struggled with a lot. As a little update for you guys I recently just told a guy this yesterday. It kind of came out naturally because he mentioned that he wasn't having sex again until he was in a serious relationship. So I just literally said "Mhmm, that's interesting. I'm actually waiting until marriage to have sex with someone." Of course the conversation went on after that, but that's how it began. Like I mentioned there is no way to say it besides just saying it. Luckily for me in this situation he brought up the subject so I was able to just follow suit. If you're getting to know someone effectively even if you have to bring it up first it should come out in conversation eventually. I don't think it's necessary to say on a first date but once you know for sure that you like someone you definitely have to say it before things get too far in. For most guys, if not all guys it's a very serious factor so letting things go on for too long is not a good idea. 
     Just trust your gut, everyone's timing is going to be different. If you feel the need to say it on the first date then do so. Remember that everything on this blog is MY opinion based on my life experiences. You have to take the tips and tools you find here and apply only what YOU see fit for YOUR life!

     In the future I will definitely have more Q and A's about this topic so comment down below if you have any questions you want answered. Have an AWESOME week everyone and be sure to check back here on Friday for more! 

XOXO Pure Jess

P.S. Be sure to check out my last post if you missed it! What to do on a 1st Date