Why Shouldn't I Just Have Sex?

How many people do you know that have had negative consequences after sex? Probably a lot because I know most of my friends have some real horror stories. Sometimes while saving yourself even with knowing how it has effected others we still experience days when we wonder, Is it worth it to wait? Questioning if it would really be a big deal to have sex is normal. Below I have a few reasons that you can use to remind yourself why you decided to wait when those moments come.                                                                                                                                                                                                                1. Getting a Bad Reputation- At school things get around…secrets between two people are almost never kept secret. People will eventually start finding out if you and your boyfriend had sex. Whether that be the next day, the next week, or after the relationship ends, the truth will eventually come to the light. Even though a guy gets praised when his body count increases a girl gets a scarlet letter. That social norm is ridiculous but true. It goes under the same philosophy that a key that opens several locks is a master key. But a lock that will open with any key is a bad lock. Many girls have tried to excuse their sexual activity by claiming to “own their sexuality”, but it isn’t working. Guys talk to each other and when they hear about a girl having multiple sex partners they always come to the conclusion that she’s easy and that girl never gets considered as girlfriend material after she’s been known to be sleep around. Even if a girl has truly only had a few partners’ details and numbers always tend to get mixed up on the gossip mill. You don’t want to be the one shed in a bad light and not taken seriously. I’m definitely not promoting that you live life worried about what people think of you however your credibility is all you have and once you lose it you may never get it back.     

                                                                                                                   2. Introducing Potential for More Problems in your Relationship- Sex doesn’t fix everything, in fact it can cause more problems than it ends up solving. Some girls end up having sex because they feel like it’ll help the relationship last. They view their situation through a simple lens - Problem: your boyfriend wants to have sex -Solution: give him sex. This does sound really simple however it leaves out many details. The thing is, even though one problem is solved many others are created. Starting with, just because you did it once doesn’t mean you don’t have to do it again. Sex and the amount of it will be expected to be maintained.( Not to mention sometimes with the first time you may experience discomfort, pain, or bleeding.) Also studies show that girls are 3x more likely to feel used while having sex. Once you introduce sex into a relationship it can quickly become either a chore or used as a means of incentive. Which are not good purposes and lead to complications and break-ups when needs aren’t met and there is no strong foundation to fall back on. Many couples ranging from ages 14-21 think they are ready for sex far before they actually are. Unfortunately it’s already introduced by the time they see the error in their ways. It’s much harder to turn back around when you’ve already started having sex compared to if you just don’t at all.

Pure Tip: Be self-aware. Don’t think that just because you’re a year older that means you’re ready for sex. It’s a huge misconception that graduating from high school or living on your own makes you ready to commit to such a huge decision that has potential to ruin several aspects of your life.

 Also sometimes a month or less after a girl finally consents to having sex with a guy in the “safety” of their so-called committed relationship, boys have no problem breaking up with them. I’m not going to say men aren’t altered by sex but the emotional bond that is created doesn’t usually hold up as deeply for them as it does for us. V-cards don’t save relationships! You will never be able to exchange sex for love… it doesn’t work. 

3.Pregnancy and STDs- Hate to start discussing extreme situations here but let’s be honest it’s not that hard to get pregnant and it’s actually super easy to contract an STD or STI. Even if there is no sign of your partner having said problems that doesn’t mean that they really don’t. They might stay unaware until … you have to tell them. Condoms and even birth control are not 100% effective in protecting you. Partly because these means of contraception are often not used correctly and partly because nothing can completely ensure that you won’t get pregnant. As women, one of our many functions is the ability to create another human being so it’s hard to combat nature with a thin rubbery silicone thing (a condom). And please never take a guy’s claim for a great “pullout game” that seriously, especially when making the choice to have sex unprotected. Don’t let pregnancy or an STD happen to you. You have to think, Would you have an abortion? Are you going to finish school? Is your man going to leave you after giving you an incurable disease? Will your parents help you raise the baby? Will you risk getting a virus that can cause cancer or mess up your ovaries? What would you do if you found yourself in these situations? If you start having sex you’re going to at least have to come up with a plan and be ready to accept the consequences. OR… just wait until marriage.

Pure Tip: Always choose waiting for marriage lol!

4. The Aftermath of the Relationship – You don’t need experience. Sex is a natural function that our bodies were designed to do… you’ll figure it out just fine with your husband. Let it be known that if you don’t wait for marriage then you’re maximizing your chances to have several sexual partners because you’ll have multiple relationships. That being said as you continue to have different experiences you’ll be exposing yourself to interactions with men that won’t be there when you decide to finally “settle down”. Once you find your husband and you have sex with him because of human nature you may start comparing him to past sex experiences or be longing for the touch of a past boyfriend that was “better” in bed when your husband doesn’t mimic the exact experience that you had prior to him. As I’m sure you can imagine that leads to self-consciousness, jealousy, and unhappiness in a marriage. Why would anyone ever want to potentially introduce those things? Also, you have to think about soul ties which is a linkage in the soul realm between two people. It links their souls together and causes an extreme bond to form, usually after sexual intercourse. Said bonds are not easily broken and contribute to the reasons why women take so long to truly move on from a relationship. Don’t listen to any opinions trying to convince you to get your body count up for experience. Practice makes perfect in a lot of activities like sports and math. But is sex a sport? Is your body just a piece of equipment?                                   

5.Self Esteem Problems- Being naked in front of someone leaves you vulnerable. Your entire body is exposed in front of someone. The reason such strong feelings and connections are formed through sex is because it’s the closest you could ever be to someone.

       One of my guy friends explained “aftercare” to me. It’s that portion of time after sex when a guy is comforting a girl and they’re cuddling and continuing to bond after sex. Sometimes a guy does this because he wants to, while other times it’s because he feels like he has to. This is a very intimate time. As my friend explained to me this time can occasionally consist of giving the girl reassurance that her decision to have sex was the right one and that the guy appreciates it…… Of course guys want you feeling that assurance, if they let regret or doubt set in they know that means no more sex for them.             Often times when guys get bored or tired of sex self worth issues set in for the girl. In those cases when people break up a young girl is left wondering if her body was the problem. Low self-esteem creeps into other areas of life and a diminishing confidence is no good while trying to have other relationships, friendships, being at work, being in class, or even just combating sadness and trying to happy everyday. 

I hope some of these points were helpful in explaining why it’s a solid choice to save yourself and guard your body from the negative consequences of sex outside of marriage. Comment below and tell me what you think! Also feel free to leave me some suggestions on what you would like to read next week!

XOXO Pure Jess

To comment on posts you may have to click on the title and view the post separately from the home page!
Also if you liked this article feel free to check out the Pure Jess introduction if you haven't already!Pure Jess Introduction